This is nuts

Now I was going to write this deep and thought provoking blog on some things I learned in church today. But I might save that for tomorrow.



Right now...I am frustrated. With myself mostly. I didn't think it was possible for something so gross to control my life so much. I am freaking out because it is house dinner night. I love the concept...every sunday night we all gather together to eat something someone else cooks. We all take turns cooking. However, I hate it. I hate having to eat something that I don't know how many calories are in. I hate being surrounded by people eating. I just get overwhelmed so fast. I totally prefer to eat by myself. I can handle one or two others....but 10??? I want to run far far away. For some reason all because of a simple dinner life just seems radically out of control. It takes everything in me not to lock myself in my bedroom until everyone leaves.



It happened yesterday in a different context as well. I had the opportunity to go down to the Quincy street church and have this amazing worship experience with people who worship really differently than what I am used to. Nathan was even preaching this week. It was a beautiful day out and all in all a great Saturday afternoon...However, after church was lunch time. In which my brain started going a mile a minute forming every single reason that I could possibly think of so I didn't have to stay to eat with them. I hate having no control over what I eat. So I gave up the opportunity to sit and chat with some incredible people...just because I knew that the entire time I would be thinking about the food on my plate.



ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (that is me screaming if you didn't get that)



Wanting to run.

Pancakes
Resisting urge to throw up.


The simplest of all activities that even babies can do is pure torture.

Ana is going at full force.