Finding a heart song...

So I have shared the basic overview...but I think I may take a step back and share over the next few days and even weeks some poems (both mine and others), lyrics of songs, journal entries, quotes, and some random mind wanderings of my attempt to break free in the hopes that anyone who might stumble upon this site, both friends and strangers, might find some sort of inspiration.

A few weeks ago in community group we were talking about which movie character we related to the most which was kind of hard for me because I have seen like no movies so felt unable to relate with many characters and also didn’t have a clue who the characters were that other people were talking about. However, I ended up being the odd one out by going with a non-human character – Mumble the penguin from Happy Feet.

As I really began to think about it, I could relate with that penguin all too well. He is kind of the odd one out among the penguin group. All the penguins are in search of their ‘heart song’…kind of their purpose in life. How are they going to sing their stories? Most of the penguins just naturally find it, however, Mumble just finds that he doesn’t fit in because he simply can’t sing. He is terrible at it. However, he was an amazing dancer. But none of the other penguins accepted him for it because he was a weirdo. He didn’t conform. He tried but in the end was just failing because he was trying to be someone he wasn’t. He left the iceberg for a while and actually found a group of weird penguins who thought he was kind of cool. They weren’t singing penguins, their coolness was described by how many rocks they had. I guess it varies from culture to culture how they decide if you are socially acceptable or not.

Ultimately Mumble had to stop running and come back to face his own penguin culture. He became one determined penguin and pursued his passion. He faced those other penguins knowing that he was different but more concerned with the greater cause he was pursuing. In the end, his ability to dance changed the entire iceberg for the better. He made a difference based on what he was, not what others thought he should be.

Therefore, I want to be that penguin. I don’t seem to be able to sing very well with the culture around me. I’m not exactly sure what my heart song is yet but I want to be ok dancing. Jesus is my greater cause. I’ll be a weirdo for Him. This is not easy at all.

When it comes down to it, I just hate the feeling of having food in my stomach and I fear that it is going to do nothing but get worse before it gets better. That terrifies me because I feel like I’m hanging by a thread as it is. I need to relearn eating. I need to relearn thinking. Although right now I don’t feel it, I believe Jesus is worth it. So I am saying goodbye for him, but quite frankly, I don’t want to.”