By Faith

Last night, I had the opportunity to see Keith and Kristyn Getty in concert (they are the authors of the song In Christ Alone) . By Faith is one of the songs they sing...hence the title of the blog.

Faith - belief that is not based on proof.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” James 1:2

That is a verse that one of my housemates quotes to me frequently. Trials come in all shapes and forms....most of the time in ways that we never expected and often bring pain that at times seems unendurable. But it brings hope to think that our pain is not lived in vain, we are developing perserverance....I guess that old statement "Whatever doesn't kill you makes" rings true.

In my post on the curse of independence I confessed that I have had to learn to depend on people for things that I really didn't want to. I hate asking for help because my pride gets in the way...whether it is seeking emotional help from friends/counselors, physical help from doctors and nutritionists, or financial help from the parents (ahhh...the last one is especially hard).

However, even harder than financial help, spiritual help is the hardest to surrender to. Admitting that I have struggles with faith is by far the most painful. I have clung to Jesus for so long. Together we can make it through anything. Never in a million years would I ever think that I could convince myself that he has walked away and I have been abandoned. Never could I have imagined that a point would come in my life after all God has done for me that there would be times I doubted his very existence. But both of these scenarios have reared their ugly faces in the recent months. I think I have wrote before that I can have faith even though I can't see God, however, if I can't feel him....my faith starts to rapidly crumble.

I feel like I am being forced to become an infant in all of my needs. Relying on others is hard...especially when they leave... and they often have. I have actually got to the point that I need to rely on other people to give me faith which sounds kind of weird. People telling me to just trust God to get me through doesn't get me anywhere but cause me to beat up on myself for not doing so. However, when I see other people trusting Him...that gives me faith.

I have always loved the song Borrow Mine by Bebo Norman. Prior to anorexia taking over my life, I have passed the song to others in their tough times telling them that I was here for them if they needed anything. However, the song has become encouraging to me now as I learn to "borrow" the faith of other people.

Take my hand and walk with me a while
Cause it seems your smile has left you
And don't give in, when you fall apart
And your broken heart has failed you
I'll set a light up
On a hilltop
To show you my love
For this world to see

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

Take my love when all that you can see
Is the raging sea all around us
And don't give up 'cause I'm not letting go
And the God we know will not fail us
We'll lay it all down
As we call out
Sweet Savior help our unbelief

When you are weak
Unable to speak
You are not alone
The God who has saved us
Will never forsake us
he's coming to take us
Take us to our home

In church on Sunday, Hank mentioned how the world was watching us as Christians. However, I have also noticed how much Christians watch other Christians. They can give each other hope or they can pull us down more. The moments in the night when I lose all faith I look to the people who I know have it.

One of the first people I think of is Dr. Shea, one of my intercultural professors at Houghton. I am not sure why he is one of the first people that come to my mind, but I know he is real. When I convince myself that I am absolutely crazy for thinking that God actually came to earth as a baby to die on a cross only to be raised from the dead so I don't ever have to face death....I look at Dr. Shea and know he believes it...and I don't think he is crazy.

Hank, the pastor at Reunion, is another one. My housemate visited the church a few weeks ago and about Hank he said, "he is cool...i can tell he is really smart." Although I don't know him too much personally, he seems like an ordinary guy but one that is confident in his faith. He lives what he believes.

Although I can say this about every single person in my community group, after hearing Seth's story last week I know that he is some one else that radiates this confidence. It doesn't mean the he or anyone else doesn't mess up or stumble...it means that when they do, they know it is going to be ok because of a marvelous thing called grace.

So even when it comes to faith, I think it is remarkable how God is using other people in my life to show me that I was not meant to do it on my own. When I can't feel God, I rely on the people who can to show me the way.