Don't Give Up

....it's just the weight of the world

I have never been a huge Josh Groban fan but that is a pretty good song.

And it is a message that rang through my head Sunday in church.

It's the feeling of complete hopelessness that makes it look so much easier to give up. I feel kind of selfish writing that because there are people starving for real in the world and their are people who have lost parents, children, spouses, and other close friends. I praise God so much that I have never experienced hurt or pain in that kind of way.

I don't want to say that I have been suicidal in anyway but I have definitely at points lost all desire to live...for some reason I think there is a difference but I am not exacly sure waht. I have felt so overcome by darkness that I have felt hopeless.

The definition of hopelessness simply means "without hope" (ha...don't you live dictionaries...they are so helpful in explaining words). When I think of hope for some reason my mind takes me to my senior year of high school in my film and literature class. Mr. Baumgarten was the teacher and over and over again he emphasized how the theme of hope was apparent throughout literature and in films. I remember writing countless papers on this concept. The idea that if you hold on to hope you can get through anything.

In some ways I think we all have felt hopeless....however, we have dragged ourselves through the hopeless times....therefore we must have been holding onto something...there must have been some form of hope leading us on.

For some reason my mind now wanders to that day where Jesus died on the cross. He lay in a grave for 3 days before he rose again in glory. How did his disciples cope in those 3 days? Did someone like Peter experience hopelessness that is beyond our imagination? The person they put all of their hope in was laying dead in the ground. What reason did they have to carry on?

I can only believe that it is Jesus alone who leads me through my dark and hopeless times. Even when I don't feel him I believe he must be in heaven advocating for...subtly encouraging me on. I do feel like I have gotten myself in another rut...I had been making great forward strides but now I feel stuck once more...wondering if life will ever get better than it is right now.

However, the sermons at Reunion the past few weeks have been on joy. The messages emphasize how although we can not choose how we feel, we can choose to have joy.

ok