And I have been dying laughing for a good ten minutes.
I was just going to put yours up here...but decided that wouldn't be fair because I can't believe some of the things I said as well....
ha...still can't stop laughing hard enough to type
Jess (During Prayer): :"Dear Jesus, I like fish."
Jenna: This is the most pointless paper - like - it doesn't even have a point, therefore pointless
Jess (Driving to Massachusetts on October break): Head toward the hospital!
*ah the irony of life*
Jenna: Gosh I wish Stuart Little would die
Jess: If I could breathe I would yell at you!
Jess: You changed your font
Jenna: Yeah, I changed it last night because I couldn't look sad in that font
Jess: So I woke up this morning and checked my email to find out the world was falling apart, fixed the world....
Jenna to Jess: Concrete shoes....I want to buy you concrete shoes
Jenna: So now he died and you have the angel of death flying around the room. How do you feel about that?
Jess: I'll erase him too.
*some of these I truly don't remember but you wrote this on*
Jenna (referring to herself as Cinderella): I have no problem with me kissing him, because I worked my way up there....
Jess: How is dancing with a guy once working up to him?
Jenna: I'm having trouble getting people to go to my Bible Study
Jess: I'm having trouble getting people to go to my bible study
Me: When is yours?
Jess: I don't know
Me: I didn't know you had one.
Jess: I didn't either
Jenna: Beware, when you eat this stuff it sticks to your ribs like glue
Sitting in Big Als
Jenna: Do you realize all these guys are coming up to talk to you?
Jess: It's because they find my food attractive!
Jenna (energetically and assertively): Actually the readings were quite insightful, I mean I learned what hippopotamus is in greek
Jess: You are coveting the child! It's like kidnapping him in your heart!
Jenna: So there are problems on first floor Lambein. My two closest friends just sacrificed themselves to heathen Gods. One of the to Augustine the hipp0. I don't know how I feel about this. And now she wants to sacrifice me. I am cowering in the closet. Help?
Jess: What is knowledge anyway? If it's coming from my brother it is not much.
Jenna: I feel like I should throw something at you - for no apparent reason - something has to fly.
Jenna: Stop! You did dishes yesterday!
Jess: You did dishes yesterday!
Jenna: When?
Jess: This morning!
Jenna: I had a cat named Earl, he was dead.
(An entire conversation)
Jess: Well?
Jenna: Yes
Jess: Really?
Jenna: Really
Jess:
Jenna: I wish my mouth was sewn shut
Jess (completely shocked): Did you just say jello?
Jenna: I had tomato soup and babies for dinner
Jess: I don't have friends... I have you.
Jenna - severely beaten by her printer, stands up straight and says: Ok, I'm ready for you now...
Jess (ridiculously excited): Guess what I found out???? Hand dryers are made in Illinois!!!
Jess: There's a duck in the trash.
Jenna: Pick him up by his hair. He likes it.
Jess: Are your blinds shut?
Jenna: Yes
Jess: Good because I don't want to wear a shirt
Jenna (moving toward the pringles container gradually getting more emphatic): no No NO NO! (Opens Pringles) It didn't work.
Jenna: Are you here for dinner?
Jess: yes...wait...here or there?
Jenna: There
Jenna (referring to Jess): You're like the ideal puppy!
Jess: The hole in the wall came in a frame
Jenna: I want malaria. It would be fun to just say, "I have malaria"
Jenna: Why do we put ourselves under this kind of stress?
Jess: I think we deserve some calories after this
Jenna: Calories!!
*ha...I miss the days of getting excited over calories!*
(Jenna rubs a stain on the floor)
Jess: I think you are just rubbing it in.
Jenna: But if I rub it in far enough, maybe it will go away.
Jess: The dead sea squirrels!!
(Jenna sprays blotches of water onto her t-shirt and starts hitting it and dragging her hand down the shirt.)
Jess: You just made your shirt all wet. Do you see what you are doing?
Jenna: It's called ironing.
Jess: I may be no one but to no one you mean a lot
Jenna: Do you want to know what was scary today? (Jess opens her mouth to respond) Actually you know what? It really wasn't scary.
Jess: There's so many times when you are driving and I am just staring at you.
Jenna: Do I need God anymore tonight?
Jenna: I don't know how to adopt people.
Jess: If there on sale, I'll pick some up for you...otherwise you can just have mine.
Jenna: I have sinner snowflakes!
Jess: If I do laundry before she does, I can take the cat.
Jenna: Jess! Don't you just want to hug yourself?
Jess: Aliens landed in Houghton! My parents are back!!!!
Jenna: Death by milk!
Jess: My other eyes were great.
Jenna: Where's my toothbrush? Maybe it's in my laundry (starts digging through her laundry basket...jumps up and exclaims) : Toothbrush!!!!
Jess: If it touches me I have the right to kill it.
Jenna: That's my goal - to keep you up really late so that I can wonder why you are grumpy in the morning.
Jess: Don't forget to water your bathing suit.
Jenna: Is that the room with the windows that are made of all glass?
Jess: Do you have pretty white rubber bands?
Jess: I don't have a boyfriend.
Jenna: But he's your secret boyfriend! You don't know you have him
Jess: We can make our dog pray
Jenna: Marry Poppins is like a nun...she rides around with her umbrella and beats kids with it!
Jess: I am going to be really old with one friend
Jenna: Oh my gosh!... Look into her eyes! Hold her and look into her eyes!!!!
Jess: I don't want your love
Jenna: I think I'm dying soon, and I'm thankful that my bed is above ground.
Jess: I really suck at making out with eggs.
Jenna: I just found the most amazing cliff that we are sure to die off of...
Jenna: I always wanted a slip and slide
Jess: I did too
Jenna: My parents said no
Jess: I never asked...there were more important things to be had, like P.J. Sparkles
Jenna: Mia wants to be a cross-dresser
*I should add that Mia is the stuffed cat*
Jenna: We still haven't met your father.
Jess (very assertively and defensively): my father is not an alien!!!!
Jenna: It's scarily close to midnight, and I have naked friends.
Jenna: You are going to scare them
Jess: It doesn't matter, they already signed the paper.
Jenna (talking about a toddler's toy father): He just died...he fell face down - maybe he saw Jesus.
Jenna: I like to spread sunshine
Jess: I know...keep it to yourself
Shaloam: I don't like dogs that look like a bus ran into his face.
Jenna: I like you and you look like a bus ran into your face
*ouch...gosh that was mean*
Jenna: I never knew vegetables could sing so well.
Jess: It's amazing the things you learn when you grow up.
Jenna (sincerely): I've decided I don't mind having an identity crisis
Jess (completely serious): I probably will marry a white rabbit.
Jenna (talking about the type of fruit Adam and Eve ate): For all we know they could've been marshmellows.
Jess: Ok Jenna...
Jenna (defensively): Well the garden of Eden was perfect! They weren't going to have real fruit! It could've been marshmellows!
Jenna: A smile is the perfect gift, personal and encouraging.
Jess (with great excitement): CHOCOLATE!
Jenna: We're morally casual polygamy
So Jessica has been laying in bed supposedly sleeping for the past 10 minutes...all of the sudden she jumps up exclaiming: Breakthrough! I just figured out a math problem!
Jenna to Jess: You are not a proper noun!!!
Jess: Laying down? What are we sheep?
Jenna (singing to her orange that she will soon eat): "Or-ange, or-ange, you are so big and round and or-ange!"
Jess: Is it ok for us to call jewish people Jews?
Jenna: They call us Christians so I think we can call them Jews
Jess: But we are Christians
Jenna: So what are they...squirrels?
Jenna: He is almost dying though because he's half out of the water...Mickey needs gills.
Jess (completely nonchalantly): It's just bullet holes...it's fine.
Jenna: I love that picture. I mean I don't know who Jesus is but...
Jess: He's not hot. He may be dead but he is not hot.
Jess: It sounds like you just want to get rid of me.
Jenna: No, I just want to jump on your bed.
Jess: You are becoming a really fast lost cause
Jenna (jumping from bed to bed): I have this horrible feeling that tomorrow I'll end up in the hospital
Jess: Slapped their hand???!! Do you realize how painful childbirth is?
Jenna: Do you eat honey?
Jess: Yes
Jenna: Do you make honey?
Jess: Do mice have eggs?
Jenna: They are just like babies - they just cry when they need charging
Fortune cookie: Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday, and now you know why.
Jess: But John the Baptist is in heaven...and Moses and Elijah
Jenna: Do you know what they all have in common that you don't.
Jess: They're all dead?
Jenna: No. They're all in the bible. Do you see any Jessica's in there? Now Shaloam may have a chance and Sarah is definitely in...
Jenna: Everything under the bed is expired so we might as well just throw it in the refrigerator with all the rest of them.
Jess: Darn it! The Nazis are back!!
Jenna: Do I have any interests?
Jess: God
Jenna: That's not good enough
*ha...maybe this is where I went wrong*
Jess: My brain is itchy.
Jenna: I want to be a prostitute
Jess: *sigh* I need to get you a counselor
Jenna: A sacred prostitute!
(Jess looks at her in disbelief)
Jenna: Oh you do too...you know it!
Jess: you really look like a spirit
Jess goes under her covers, closes her eyes - it's sleepy time silence. Jenna suddenly pipes up, completely serious and utterly out of the blue: "If I stared at you all night would you find it nerve-racking?"
Jess: She is smarter than I am. I had class with her and dropped out.
Jenna: What would Jesus do?
Jess: Jesus probably wouldn't go to the concert. He would probably give the money to the poor.
Jenna: Ok, so we are already starting off sinning...so might as well have fun as we burn.
Jenna pointing at a glaring, clearly upset Stitch, says in her cute 'jenna' voice: "Look at him! He's so happy!"
Jenna: Tomorrow, if you come back from class I'm still sleeping, scream. Scream loudly...but then you have to run, because then I might attack you with knives.
Jess: What does he look like?
Jenna: Ancient! Remember the Emperor's New Groove? Remember the lady that was scary beyond all reason? He's older than that!
Jenna: I totally just googled my password
Jenna: Is my music bothering you?
Jess: No
Jenna: It's bothering me...it's distracting me from doing nothing.
Jess: Forewarning, I have nothing to hold me down tonight. I could go anywhere.
Jenna: Do you know how to draw a car? Like a really simple car? Like a batmobile?
Jess: I try to beat myself all the time
Jess: Somehow I think bad things are happening
Jenna: die!
Jess: Ok
Jess: Woof woof (12:40 in the morning)
Jenna: You know, if my husband proposed to me with a blow pop...that right there would make me say yes.
Jess: Did you find poison ivy? She is really pretty.
Jenna: I am determined to save the world someday, through my spiritual gift: Distraction
Jess: I don't like the way you look...you need to be bigger
Jess: that would be fun.
Jenna: To make out with an alien???
Jenna: I'm hungry
Jess: You could have your coffee cake.
Jenna: No, I need something that doesn't have any sugar....JELLY BEANS!
Jenna: Just set yourself up!
Jess: No, if I set myself up then I am going to have to glue myself in.
Jenna: Akron could be a good place where everything stays the same...no one grows old and no one grows young
Jenna: I promise not to wrong you if you promise not to wrong me
Jess: Sorry. Can't do that.
Jenna: I want to have 20 kids.
*Did I really say that????? Was I on drugs???*
Jenna: I just offered you my life and you denied it
Jess: That is because it is not worth anything
*I will spare you your childbirth quote this time...*
(Shaloam's brother had just randomly given Jenna a water bottle)
Jess: He doesn't want you to die of thirst once you stop trusting Jesus for your water.
Jenna: You know, I really think both of us would really make great veggies.
Jenna: I'm hungry
Jess: I have the hiccups
Jenna: Do you want a marshmallow? what is that all about?
Jess: Mother Teresa
Jenna: How can God help us?
Jess: He is protecting you from my wrath!
Jenna: I'm not even bed worthy!
Jess: I am going to bed now
Jenna: I will wake you by attacking you with knives
Jenna: You gave birth to Satan!!!
Jess: I am not talking to you until I am asleep.
Jenna: Accidental death and dismemberment
Jess: It can't be that bad.
*Words of wisdom from Jess the Lambein chaplain*
Jess: If we went to the hotel, we could sleep in, because we wouldn't have to go to church
Jenna: Jesus' mother was a woman!!!
Jenna: You're going to want to remember this moment if you live through the heart-attack you are about to have....
Playing catch phrase
Jenna: A cat is a feline so a dog is a...
Jess: Male!
Jenna: If you are not a jew you are a...
Jess: Heathen!
Jess: You will not die until you graduate
Jenna: You are making me into a heathen
Jess: That is my goal in life
Jenna reading from the bottom of a tupperware container: "Safe for microwaving, heating, and defrosting."
She looks up excitedly as though she'd just discovered a treasure box
"That' us!!"
Jess: hmm...is that a robin?
Jenna: I don't know...I don't know my birds. If it was pink it would be a flamingo.
Jess: 3 out of the 2 people....
Jess: Well, you like watermelon....why don't you have that?
Jenna: Look at it! It's saying, 'Don't eat me...I'm sick.'
Jenna: It's better to have cold snow than boiling hot drops of lava...that would be deadly.
(Jess giving her calc notebook to Jenna)
Jenna: I feel like you are giving your life to me.
Jess: The first few pages are missing just like we don't remember the beginning of our life. The last pages are still blank so you can finish my life for me.
Jess: You never truly appreciate the value of the stairs until you bond with them."
Jess (referring to her spanish hw): To death do us part....
Ok now that it is almost 10:30 my laughter is dying because of benedryl in me and I am realizing that this could go on forever so I have to stop...but I hope you had a good laugh....*sleepiness*
That was so fun even though I barely understood them! I miss you! Come back soon...it's gotta be soon right? Right!?
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