A conversation

I haven't done the poetry thing in awhile but my conversation with God this past 24 hours turned into something Dr. Seuss would write...it is strangely encouraging.

A Conversation
Hello, my name is Jenna.
I like to swing and dance.
I would spend forever at the beach,
If only given the chance.

But there is something inside of me
That tears my life apart.
It screams forever, 'Do not eat!'
It numbs my beating heart.

I want to live my life with passion.
I want to laugh with all my friends.
I cannot do the things I love
Because the screaming never ends.

'Breakfast?' - Sorry, I'm not hungry
'Lunch?' - Not feeling very well
'Dinner?' - My body is so tired,
My mind, a never ending Hell.

A deceiving sense of safety
This is my reward and prize,
For maintaining so much 'self control'
And believing all the lies

My muscles, they are failing
My hair, it's falling out.
I'm dizzy and exhausted
Is this what life's about?

I used to live life freely
With no thought to how much I weigh
Can anybody help me?
Will anybody stay?

The loneliness is overwhelming
I stand behind my wall
Feeling like a leper
Condemned outsider in the hall

My friendships they have crumbled
The pressure was more than they could take
No one here feels 'qualified'
Will anyone come before I break?

My own voice is smothered
Chained down by shrieking lies
I just want to let it go and breathe again
But no one hears my desperate cries
---------
"Be still and know that I am God"
I hear my father say
"My love will forever endure
Draw near to me, today it is okay."

"No other blessing could you need.
Myself I give to you.
My Spirit reigns, let the earth be glad
It is not dependent on what you do."

"No longer must you 'get it right'
Just come to me a mess.
Trust in me to clean you up
I would never give you less"

"Jenna, hear my whispers
You did nothing wrong
You see the mess and this is good
In me you will be strong."

"In your weakness you will learn,
That I am all you need.
Like a butterfly from a cocoon,
Your soul has now been freed."

"It's hard right now, but I'm holding you.
In brokenness you call,
Slowly and with my timing,
Those Ana chains will fall."

"You can't do it on your own.
For now I ask you just to be.
My love is natural and unforced
You don't have to prove yourself to me."

"Surrendering brings freedom,
Like you've never know before.
Relax your grasp and fall limp,
On eagles' wings you'll soar."

"The pressure is now off.
There are no more rules or laws.
Through the beauty of my son,
I no longer see your flaws."
----------
I cannot eat. I cannot breathe.
I cannot get it right.
Scared to death of failure
I run to You with all my might.

My last remaining hope.
Desperate for your grace
Hold me tightly in your robe
I long to see your face.

With brokenness comes beauty
Although for now from sight it's gone.
In the words of Superchick,
' I will cling to your promise, there will be a dawn."

_________________________________________________

Ok..on a funny side note. When you start getting into Dr. Seuss mode while journaling it's hard to stop....

so...
And now my poem is finished
It's time to go to bed
So long, farewell, good night to you,
I need to rest my head